Podolski/Uchida swap deal on?

Arsenal are going to busy before transfer deadline day. Yes, it's true. We've heard it from the horse's mouth, so to speak. Arsene Wenger has made it clear that much-needed additions will be brought in, but the question is could one of them be Atsuto Uchida of Schalke 04.

There's been plenty of talk suggesting that Lukas Podolski could be heading back to Germany and struggling Schalke are thought to be interested, so my theory is that a swap deal might be set up. However, Wenger has gone on record to say he doesn't want to lose Saturday's two-goal hero. Then again, why would he come out and say that to the media if there was no danger of the striker leaving? Podolski has been used sparingly so far this season and is usually played out of position on the left wing, so it wouldn't be that surprising if he upped and left.

Uchida, meanwhile, would bolster Arsenal's squad defensively. He might not be the tallest, but he would add competition in the right back position, which has been temporarily vacated by the Gunners 'new' centre back Bacary Sagna. It must be said, at this point, that Carl Jenkinson is doing an admirable job there, so it could be argued that Uchida is not needed.

Nevertheless, it is still a matter of conjecture that Uchida will be brought in on loan with Podolski moving in the opposite direction. I asked JSoccerMagazine editor Alan Gibson if there is any truth in this specualtion and he replied: 'I heard similar rumours but nothing concrete.'

I'm sure if Uchida does join Arsenal, Ryo Miyaichi will be pleased. The injured youngster's English is incredibly fluent, but he must miss being able to speak Japanese with team-mates.

One thing's for sure: nothing will happen before Wednesday. Before that, both Arsenal and Schalke have Tuesday night's Champions League qualifiers to contend with. Schalke are in danger of being knocked out by PAOK Thessaloniki, so it's all hands (and feet) to the pumps! Including the-already-cup-tied Uchida, no doubt, who picked up a yellow card in the first leg.

Elsewhere, the media have reported that Mesut Ozil could join Arsenal for £38m, Yohan Cabaye for £17m and Wayne Rooney for £_(insert figure here)million.

Cole return? Gunnersaurus for chairman + fish & meerkat talk

Hello again Gooners! Wakey, wakey! Lots to get your head around today! Or maybe not! Maybe it's time to scream out like Mr Frank Doberman on the Harry Enfield show. Read on and you'll see what I mean.

TalkSport are showing plenty of determination to keep themselves high in the traffic rankings outside of the transfer window, and why shouldn't they? They've got bills to pay, right? So you won't see me getting steamed up about speculation. Usually. This time they've gone beyond the pale. Perhaps. By linking us with contract rebel, Ashley Cole.

Now, I've said before that Wenger doesn't bring that many ex-players back to Arsenal, but he did recently with Thierry Henry and before that Sol Campbell. But both were short-term deals. Cole wants at least a two-year deal and being the wrong side of 30, he's more than a tad unlikely to get that at Arsenal. Then there are his wage demands to consider. Arsenal won't break the bank to bring back an ageing former (dare I say it?) legend. Of course, Cole has become legendary for all the wrong reasons at Arsenal, so there's no way he'll be back.

Mikael Silvestre might be a different kettle of fish though. He's in training at London Colney and I maintain he didn't do a bad job for us last time around. So if we need an extra body in defence, don't be too surprised if Silvestre re-joins. Was he really worse than Philippe Senderos, to name just one dodgy centre back we've been saddled with? I'd say not.

Talking of fish, boyhood Arsenal supporter Harry Redknapp reckons Theo Walcott 'can become a big fish at Arsenal', if played in his right position. That, of course, is centre forward. Harry goes on to say that full backs can handle Theo's speed of thought and pace better than central defenders and I think he has a point. I'd play Theo on the shoulder of the last defender, where his pace could be most devastating. It could lead to plenty of one-on-ones. And as we've seen, Theo can finish. Better than Gervinho, at least.

A former big fish, Cesc Fabregas, hasn't taken kindly to life as a small fish in a big Barca pond, apparently. I'd take these stories with a pinch of salt, but the upshot is Cesc wants out. Would we want him back? Of course, we would. He's not like Santi Carzorla, at all, in my opinion. Yes, he's a creative midfielder, and yes, he's Spanish. That's where the similarities begin and end. We've seen Cesc play as a false number 9 for Spain. Can you imagine Cazorla playing in that position. No? Me neither.

One player who could do that and lots more is Andrey Arshavin. That's why I'm relieved that the Russian transfer deadline has been and gone and the meerkat remains an Arsenal meerkat. Quite why the club were offering him on a free transfer is anyone's guess. I can't believe it. Also, a loan move to Dinamo Moscow was apparently rejected by Arshavin, according to the Russian club's manager Dan Petrescu. Meanwhile, we've had official word from Russian club Zenit St Peterburg that Arshavin being offered on a free transfer was indeed true. Quoting RAI Novosti, for a moment: 'Arsenal have allowed Arshavin to leave on a free transfer, which was one of Zenit's conditions for signing the former player'. Apparently, there was a second condition that wasn't fulfilled. Only Arshavin knows this second condition, we're told. What could it have been? No more meerkat adverts?

Anyway, Arshavin will almost certainly leave on a free next summer if he's not sold in the January 2013 transfer window. Former Gunner Nigel Winterburn reckons we need to start 'nailing' down players 'when they've got one-and-a-half years to go' on their contracts. I make him right. So that means we need renegotiate deals for Wojciech Szczeny, Tomas Rosicky (okay, maybe not him!), Marouane Chamakh (defintely not him!), Denilson (ditto), Nicklas Bendtner (ditto and will be sold soon, hopefully), Vito Mannone (one of three quality goalkeepers of about the same level at the club, according to Wenger) and Bacary Sagna.

Mmm. Bacary. Is he about to breeze off with his old mate Alex Song to Barcelona? Or will Man City come calling? He said: 'In May, I watched City's parade on Tv. I saw Samir [Nasri] and Gael [Clichy] lift the trophy. I want that.' Will he get it by staying at Arsenal? Not until or if they Fair Financial Play rules kick in. No wonder Wenger is so in favour of FFP. It's a case of 'No Poo Poirot' when websites run that headline!

With or without FFP, though, will our fortunes on the transfer front change that much? Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa reckons Arsenal made a 'tentative approach' for his services. But he'd rather go to AC Milan. The Italian club's £4.75m bid was rejected, but why didn't the Montpellier captain fancy joining his former team-mate Olivier Giroud at Arsenal? Was it the lack of trophies? Was it the pay packet? Was it because Arsenal's approach was so 'tentative' that it was imaginary. I hope we'll find out one day!

I'd like to know the same about our two bids for Newcastle Yohan Cabaye. Louise Taylor of the Guardian say we made a couple of offers for the France international midfielder, so she's either got some pukka sources or she's just made it up. Maybe we'll go back for Cabaye in January, if our interest is genuine.

One player who almost certainly won't be joining is former England U17 international Liam Moore. The 19-year-old Leicester defender is much-coveted, so that means he'll probably end up at Manchester United. Everton, Spurs and Villa are also interested in the 14-stone youngster.

I'm pessimistic about signing English talent because of the price. United beat us to Nick Powell, and no doubt they'll beat us to Moore, if the interest is genuine. As Peter Hill-Wood says 'We can't spend £50m on one player'. We all know that. We don't need to be told that. Actions speak louder than words as does inaction. On the transfer front, in Arsenal's case.

Hill-Wood thinks we could win the league this season, but I don't share his optimism. Clubs run on shoestrings rarely win trophies. And if they do, they can't sustain it. And if they do, they're usually playing in a smaller league than we are.

Hill-Wood's right about one thing: 'The Glasgow Rangers example is something we've all got to guard against'. Others would mention Leeds United in the same breath. It's all very well having ambition, but when it involves such a high level of risk, who would back that? I suspect not many of us.

Nevertheless, I don't understand why he won't allow Usmanov on the board. If Usmanov is willing to shell out millions on our squad what's the problem with that? As long as all the paperwork is in place to stop the club falling into financial ruin, what's the problem? Hill-Wood said that he didn't think Usmanov would 'fit in, that's all'. That's pretty crass. It's like objecting to David Dein's idea of sharing Wembley because it's a 'bloody long way' to go. Dein's idea would have ensured that we had more money to spend on transfers. Then we could have competed for the league still. It's a good job I'm not on the board, as I would vote Gunnersaurus in as chairman. The mascot might resemble the present incumbent in some ways, but might be better at PR. Rant over!

No more snowmen at Arsenal please!

So here we are. The day of reckoning on the transfer front has arrived. 

The Theo Walcott transfer saga has continued despite the best efforts of Arsene Wenger to put the matter to bed. If he really wants to do that, he needs to tuck Theo up with a teddy bear stuffed with a £100k-per-week wage packet plus a hefty signing-on fee plugging up his hot water bottle.

If Wenger doesn't and just insists that Theo should stay a good boy and remain in bed, the diminutive winger could end up getting whisked off somewhere like that kid does in 'The Snowman'. For some strange reason, it's quite easy to imagine Theo singing 'We're Walking In The Air'. The next line would surely be, 'I'm flying down the wing'. 

But if Wenger is serious about Theo staying, he should make sure he's flying down the centre. That's where Theo wants to play and Wenger always says he sees the England international as a striker, eventually. Well, after no goals scored in our first two games, now would be a good time to start trying him out there. The future starts here! 

Apparently, Wenger spoke to Theo personally, after the 0-0 draw against Stoke, and Le Boss was expecting to have to deal with a petulant over-age teenager, sulking about being dropped. But as I've said before, Theo's attitude is refreshing. Although, Theo's chin was touching the floor, apparently, due to his disappointment at being dropped, he still professed his love of the club and Wenger was pleasantly surprised to hear that he wants to stay. However, it still seems a tad risky not to sell Theo, if he's still refusing to put pen to paper on a new deal.

Although some reports suggest a short-term deal has been agreed, I find this hard to believe as no specific details have been revealed. And even if it's been agreed, it doesn't mean it's been signed. Unless you get the deal signed, then you can't rely on a gentleman's agreement protecting your interests. Remember when chairman Peter Hill-Wood said he had a gentleman's agreement with Barcelona over Cesc Fabregas. Next thing you know, the Spanish version of 'The Snowman' whisked one of our 'kids' off into the Catalonian night.

Please Arsene, we don't need another performance of 'The Snowman'. Once in Spanish was enough.

Meanwhile, we now know our opponents in the Champions League: Schalke, Olympiakos and Montpellier. None sound that easy to me. Schalke have lost the ageing Raul, but still have Klass Jan Huntelaar to worry us. Olympiakos are never easy to play against, but if their Drama-born superstar, Ioannis Fetfatzidis, is that theatrical maybe he'll get sent off or something. Or perhaps he'll win a penalty, which would be worrying, if it were against us. Then there's Montpellier, Olivier Giroud's old club. I wished we'd signed their number 10, Younes Belhanda, as well as that would make them even weaker.

I'd been hoping for Malaga, Anderlecht and Braga, so Group B is much more difficult than I was hoping for. Strangely, I predicted we'd play Schalke and Olympiakos. It was just a guess. I didn't have any inside knowledge. Honest!

Back to the transfer front, for a moment: there are strong rumours that we're about to sign Dentinho for 8.5m euros. He sounds like a Brazilian chewing gum to me, but I know we've been linked with him before. His agent is Ben Thorne, who represents three Chelsea players: David Luiz, Oscar and Lucas Piazon. So perhaps Dentinho will join Chelsea instead.

TalkSport have re-ignited rumours that we're about to sign Gregory van der Wiel from Ajax. I hope not, as I wasn't impressed with his performances for Holland at the Euros. Arsenal's chief negotiator (AKA a man with importance but without a job title), Richard Law, wouldn't confirm or deny this rumour.

I don't really believe TalkSport much these days, but they're sure to get something right. They claim Arsenal are chasing 6 players: 1) Yohan Cabaye (yes, Arsene, please get him, even though it was me that started this story, just like Olivier Giroud!), 2) Etienne Capoue (Toulouse), 3) Yann M'Vila (Rennes), 4) Cheikhon Kouyate (Anderlecht defender),  5) Fernando Llorente (Athletic Bilbao), and 6) Milo (Haras El Hodood). I'll take a number one and a number five please!

The Daily Mail claim we have asked Chelsea if we can have Michael Essien on loan, which is a bit like getting Yossi Benayoun from them last year. Who would have predicted that? Not me! Other sources say we're trying to get Daniel Sturridge on loan too. Why stop there? Why don't we try to sign the entire Chelsea reserve team? They would rather sell Sturridge for £15m, so I guess we can forget about that happening.

One semi-confirmed signing is a new goalkeeper. But don't get too excited. He's 17. He's Macedonian and his name is Dejan Iliev. Apparently, he's joined our youth set up from FK Belasica. Great! Maybe he'll be pushing for a first-team place by 2020!

Who's won the Nuri Sahin race? Other options for Arsenal?

It's anyone's guess, The Independent reckon Sahin's bound for Arsenal, as does De Bild. But the Daily Star and The Guardian disagree.

I thought Real Madrid boss Jose Mourinho didn't care where Sahin headed, so it's a bit mystifying to hear he's chosen Liverpool, given the player's supposed preference for Arsenal. Islington has some of the best Turkish restaurants in the country, so surely he should have chosen north London!

It sounds like it's a money thing as usual. Arsenal were offering to contribute less to Sahin's £120k per week wages than Liverpool, so clearly Real would be stupid to loan to the lowest bidder! The move was complicated by the 'fact' that Arsenal wanted the chance to make the deal permanent at the end of the season for a fixed fee. Of course, that would involve more risk for Real's point of view, as if Sahin excelled in the Premier League and then had to be sold for, say £14m, they'd end up with egg on their face. This way, they're more likely to be winners as if Sahin rips up trees in English football, his sale price will rocket. And apparently, he'll be virtually guaranteed playing time at Anfield, so that's another plus as far as Real and Sahin are concerned. Of course, we missed out on Kevin Mirallas for same reason, as he opted for Liverpool's local neighbours Everton with the promise of more 'game time' than he would get at Arsenal. Maybe Arsenal's negotiators need to 'sweet talk' players a bit more to get them to sign on the dotted line!

We've not been able to do that and missed out on Everton's Phil Jagielka, apparently. Our first approach was in 2010, so the story goes, but we just can't get him to come 'down south'. Sounds a bit unlikely to me, but perhaps there is some truth in it. He's the kind of player I'd sign, as he's versatile enough to even play in goal, if required. Anyway, I just can't see it happening.

The same goes for Newcastle's Chiek Tiote. I saw a rumour on a Newcastle website and next thing the media were running the story that Arsenal are chasing him. If we were chasing his midfield partner, Yohan Cabaye, I'd find that a lot more believable, as he's a class act and won't get booked every other game like Tiote.

Anyway, it's all a bit worrying, as we expected Sahin not Tiote to fill the 'void' left by Alex Song's departure. We were pinning our hopes on adding to our central midfield ranks, so I'm not sure why some media sources consider winger Jesus Navas as a replacement for Song if the Sahin deal falls through. Navas might be a good use of the money burning a hole in Arsene Wenger's pocket, but he'd only be a like-for-like replacement for 'contract rebel' Theo Walcott. I write that epithet in inverted commas as I think it's a bit premature to call Theo  names given that it's by no means clear whether or not Theo will be walking the Mathieu Flamini walk to another club on a free come the end of the season. I suspect he will stay or be sold. If I had to bet on it, I'd say Theo will stay. But then again, if he feels unappreciated by our fans, who knows what he'll decide to do. If I took the flak he's taken, I'd be tempted to leave on a free. His pace makes him a saleable asset, but once again the club have been remiss in allowing his contract to run down.

Arsenal have to do something to ensure that history doesn't keep repeating itself. It's embarrassing and counter-productive to have our first-team players leaving every summer under a cloud of controversy.

Nevertheless, I don't completely buy into those stories about Song being 'dying to sign a new contract' before his sale to Barcelona. Yes, he probably wanted more than the £55k per week he was on. But his 'dying' wish was probably to feather his own nest. It never seemed to me that he was 'dying' to stay at Arsenal.

I know I've been hyper-critical of the board at times, but I can't imagine anyone feeling the need to 'cover his a***' when it comes to the Song sale. The club did the right thing. Song had 3 years to run on his deal, so why should the club sit down and discuss a new one? Why did Song's representative try to renegotiate six times with Arsenal? I'm not anti-football agents or anything, but this kind of thing smacks of greed. Good riddance, I say!