Eze Comes Home — and Burns Tottenham to Ashes
A boyhood Gooner returned home, took the matchball, and—oh yes—sent us six points clear at the top. It was beautiful. It was biblical. It was Tottenham.
THE BUILD-UP: FIREWORKS, TIFOS, AND DECLAN TRYING TO TAKE THE ROOF OFF
The derby began with a tifo spectacular enough to be visible from space, and the only dark cloud in the sky was the one permanently hanging above Tottenham Hotspur Football Club.
Inside three minutes, Bukayo Saka fed Eze, who produced a delightful dink to send Declan Rice galloping into the box. Rice caught the volley sweetly, Vicario blocked it with a combination of shin, knee, and dumb luck, and the Emirates groaned as one.
For the first 15 minutes Spurs barely crossed the halfway line. They were too busy rearranging their five-man back line… occasionally expanding it to a six- or seven-man back line whenever the panic set in.
Saka went close twice from set pieces. The crowd sensed blood. Tottenham sensed an early Uber home.
TROSSARD BREAKS THE DAM
Trossard, once again auditioning for the title of most underrated finisher in world football, produced the breakthrough. Merino—currently masquerading as a centre-forward because why not—flipped in a gorgeous ball. Trossard controlled, pivoted, and fired left-footed into the far corner.
Spurs' game plan—waste time, delay everything, suck the joy out of the sport—was in tatters. So was their back five.
EZE TAKES OVER: THE BEGINNING OF LEGEND
Five minutes later, north London's tectonic plates shifted.
Rice rolled the ball to Eze at the edge of the box. Time slowed. The Emirates inhaled. Eze shifted right. Bang. Bottom corner. Keeper motionless. A childhood dream met reality and punched it straight into the top four-race-wannabe's net.
But that was only the warm-up.
Thirty-five seconds into the second half, Timber glided forward, slipped the ball to Eze, and our No.10 caressed another finish into the far corner.
The Emirates detonated. Tottenham looked confused. "Is this allowed?" they seemed to ask. Yes. Yes, it is.
RICHARLISON TRIES TO REMIND US HE EXISTS
Tottenham's first shot of the game came courtesy of Zubimendi losing the ball and Richarlison deciding he might as well have a go from forty yards.
It floated over Raya, dipped under the bar, and briefly gave the away fans something to do other than cry.
To their credit, Spurs did attempt to play football for about ten minutes afterwards. Vicario saved from Saka. A corner was scrambled away. They even crossed the halfway line twice.
Proud of you, lads.
THE CROWN JEWEL: EZE COMPLETES A HAT-TRICK FOR THE AGES
But destiny wasn't here for Tottenham. Destiny was wearing No.10 in red and white.
Eze completed his hat-trick with the coolest, calmest, most clinical finish you'll see in a derby. Another laser into the bottom corner. Another eruption. Another entry into Emirates folklore.
The first hat-trick in this derby in almost 50 years.
Only the fourth in the entire history of Arsenal vs Spurs.
A hat-trick by a player who grew up dreaming of this club.
You cannot script it better.
He nearly got a fourth too—Madueke (back from injury) set him up on the break, but Vicario pawed it away. That would have been greedy, and honestly, Spurs had suffered enough.
THE TABLE LOOKS LOVELY FROM UP HERE
Six wins from seven against them.
Six points clear at the top.
Twelve games down, dreams getting louder.
We march on.
WHAT'S NEXT?
The Champions League rolls back into town. Bayern Munich arrive Wednesday for a top-of-the-table clash—two perfect records, one will break.
Then it's Stamford Bridge at the weekend. Chelsea away: another chance to annoy a different shade of blue.
Bring it on.
Bring all of it on.
Because with Eze playing like this?
London is red.
north London is ours.
The matchball is his.
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