Bayern? Unbeaten? Not on our watch. Gunners steamroll the German giants in a second-half masterclass
Well, well, well.
Turns out the "unbeaten", "perfect record", "best team in Europe" Bayern Munich can't handle a bit of north London weather. Or a bit of north London pressure. Or, frankly, Arsenal Football Club.
After a cagey first half where both sides tip-toed around like two heavyweights feeling out the jab, the Emirates erupted into chaos — the good kind — as Mikel Arteta's men produced a statement second-half performance that had Bayern spinning like Manuel Neuer on his 40-yard gap year from his goal line.
This top-of-the-table Champions League clash belonged to us. And everyone in Europe knows it now.
TOWERING TIMBER: THE DUTCH LADDER STRIKES AGAIN
Bayern tried to show off with their possession numbers early on. Lovely for them.
Shame we had the actual chances.
Five minutes in, Saliba rose like he was auditioning for Cirque du Soleil, but nodded over. No matter — the warning signs were flashing.
Then, from yet another deadly Saka corner (we've basically turned dead balls into religion at this point), Jurrien Timber ghosted in at the near post, Upamecano nowhere to be seen, Neuer flapping, and bang. Header. 1–0. Ten goals from corners this season. Yes please.
Bayern thought they were the big boys. Timber reminded them who supplies the lumber.
BAYERN BLAST BACK (BRIEFLY)
Ebere Eze — still glowing from his derby hat-trick — nearly embarrassed half the Bayern team with a cushioned control, nutmeg, and one-two with Merino. Shame the finish didn't match the sauce.
Then Bayern did what Bayern do: one diagonal from Kimmich, one outrageous volleyed cross from Michael Olise (still weird seeing him in German red), and suddenly teenager Lennart Karl finished first-time past Raya.
Annoying? Yes.
Avoidable? Probably.
Against the run of actual danger? Absolutely.
It was also the first Champions League home goal we'd conceded since Arteta took charge of the club. He probably aged half a day on the touchline.
THE GAME BLOWS WIDE OPEN
The second half was like watching someone slowly turn up the "Arsenal Domination" slider until Bayern were holding on for dear life.
Saka nearly scored when a dodgy clearance fell kindly. Merino fired wide. Merino headed straight at Neuer. Merino got on the end of another set piece.
Basically: Merino vs Bayern in the air — a charity event Bayern didn't know they'd signed up for.
Rice went on a storming run that finished with Neuer sticking out a leg in pure survival mode.
Bayern were creaking.
Creaking like an old barn door in a horror film, and the monster was wearing red and white.
SUBS? MORE LIKE CHEAT CODES
Arteta looked at the chaos, rolled his shoulders, and pressed the big red "DESTROY" button:
Martinelli and Calafiori came on.
It took, what, two minutes?
Rice — again — wins the ball like it's his birthright.
Eze slides it wide.
Calafiori hits an overlapping run that made Bayern's right-back consider early retirement.
Whips it in.
Madueke arrives.
2–1. First Gunners goal. The Emirates erupts.
Then came the moment Neuer will see in his nightmares.
A Bayern attack breaks down.
Eze lofts a pass over the top with the calm of a dad tossing car keys.
Martinelli outruns literally everyone, rounds Neuer who was somewhere near the centre circle for reasons unclear, and rolls it into an empty net.
Four Champions League appearances.
Four goals.
Write it in permanent marker.
Game over.
Emphatic.
Dominant.
Message sent to the continent.
EUROPE, LISTEN UP
We're now three points clear at the top of the 36-team super-league-thing-they-call-a-Champions-League, with three games to go and — say it slowly —
THE ONLY UNBEATEN TEAM LEFT.
Bayern came in with a perfect record.
They left with their first loss and a mild identity crisis.
Emirates Stadium is a fortress again.
ArtetaBall is humming.
And the continent is starting to squirm.
WHAT'S NEXT
Europe takes a back seat while we deal with domestic business:
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Chelsea (A) – Sunday
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Brentford (H) – Wednesday
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Aston Villa (A) – next weekend
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Then Club Brugge on Matchday Six for dessert
Bring them all on.
This Arsenal side smells blood.
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