EZE DOES IT – GUNNERS BRUSH ASIDE THE VALE
It took Arsenal 27 years to come back to Vale Park, and just eight minutes to remind Port Vale what top-flight football looks like. Eberechi Eze – the £60m piano player brought in from Palace – finally hit the right note, stroking home his first Arsenal goal before most of the crowd had finished their oatcakes.
Gabriel Martinelli and Myles Lewis-Skelly did the heavy lifting, Eze supplied the finish, and Arsenal's Carabao Cup campaign suddenly looked a little less like a chore and a little more like a chance at silverware.
VALE'S HARD LABOUR
Credit where it's due: the Valiants didn't roll over. They roared on by 16,000 in their ground that's more pies than prawn sandwiches, and they even had Devante Cole (son of Andy – yes, the Andy Cole who once wore red-and-white) trying to ruin our night with pot-shots from range. Kepa, making his first start in goal, probably wondered if this was the easiest debut since Cech's skullcap unveiling.
EZE, BREEZY, BEAUTIFUL
Once Eze broke his duck, he nearly had another – only denied by Joe Gauci who spent the evening making himself look like Manuel Neuer in disguise. Still, there was swagger in the way Arsenal's Hale End boys ran the show: Nwaneri bending one just wide, Lewis-Skelly busy as a wasp, and Saka pretending it was a Champions League tie rather than a trip to League One.
Christian Nørgaard slotted in at the base of midfield like he'd been there all along, giving Arsenal fans the most un-Arsenal feeling of all: a sense of calm.
TROUBLE AVOIDED, TROSSARD INVITED
Of course, Arsenal never like doing it the easy way. Vale kept sniffing for a way back in, and with the game still perched at 1–0, the muttering in the away end grew louder: "Typical Arsenal." Enter Leandro Trossard, who decided enough was enough. William Saliba lofted one forward, Trossard cut in, and his finish was as low and ruthless as a Wrexham tax lawyer.
2–0. Job done. Into round four.
BRIGHTON AGAIN… BECAUSE OF COURSE
So, what do we get for our efforts? Brighton at home. Yes, those Seagulls who knocked us out of this very cup in 2022 with a 3–1 win at the Emirates. The footballing gods have a sense of humour.
Still, if Arsenal are ever going to take the Carabao Cup seriously, this is the time. Last lifted it in '93, George Graham's coat still smelled of cigar smoke, and we've been allergic to it ever since. Maybe Eze's first strike is the omen we need. Or maybe it's just another Arsenal false dawn.
ROUND FOUR DRAW (a.k.a. Banana Skin Central)
- Arsenal v Brighton
- Grimsby v Brentford
- Swansea v Man City
- Newcastle v Spurs (sudden-death cage fight)
- Wrexham v Cardiff (Netflix derby)
- Liverpool v Palace
- Wolves v Chelsea
- Wycombe v Fulham
Next stop: Newcastle away in the league, then Olympiacos midweek. And somewhere in the middle of it all, Arsenal fans will be daring to dream… not of the Champions League, not of the title, but of winning the League Cup for the first time since before most of our squad were born.
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