Eze Does It? More Like Eze Does Benchwarming at the Emirates

Here we go again. Another day, another news story about the same player, another £68m burning a hole in Mikel Arteta's slim-fit chinos. This time, it's still Crystal Palace's very own dancing prince, Eberechi Eze, rumoured to be pirouetting his way into Arsenal's ever-expanding midfield orchestra. But Rio Ferdinand—who's recently transitioned from trophy collector to YouTube armchair tactician—has piped up with a classic bit of "where's he gonna play?" logic.

You know what, Rio? Fair point.

Let's get one thing straight. Eze is class. Stylish, slippery, and surprisingly ruthless when the mood takes him. He helped Palace to an actual FA Cup win, which already makes him more decorated than half our current squad. But the Gunners are currently overflowing with midfielders like it's a buy-one-get-six-free sale at the Emirates.

Declan Rice is cemented. Zubimendi will be the deep-lying metronome. Ødegaard, the golden boy, isn't getting benched for anyone not named Dennis Bergkamp (and even then…). And then you've got the wing carousel: Martinelli, Trossard, Madueke (maybe), and of course, Saka, who's basically played so many minutes he deserves a statue (preferably one that can withstand ever-increasingly GBH-like challenges).

So where does Eze go? On the bench? £68m for a luxury rotation option? Some say it's like having a Kai Havertz 2.0. Except at least Eze doesn't look confused every time he enters the final third. By the way, I don't agree with that sentiment at all!

According to reports, Arsenal are trying to negotiate a lower fee. Steve Parish, Palace chairman and occasional Bond villain impersonator, isn't budging—yet. Meanwhile, Arteta's transfer committee are reportedly considering offloading a forward to make space. Who's that going to be? Reiss Nelson and a bag of crisps?

James Goldman of Metro seems to think it's a no-brainer: Arsenal need more invention, less predictability, and fewer "Martinelli off, Trossard on" moments. And yes, after watching us pass sideways for 75 minutes against Spurs before remembering we're allowed to shoot, the cries for Eze do sound reasonable.

But here's The Loose Cannon's take: don't drop £68m on another versatile attacker. Spend the money on a proper back-up striker. You know, someone who doesn't require Gabriel Jesus to pull a hamstring before getting a run-out.

Eze is a delight to Palace fans But right now, the only thing more bloated than Arsenal's midfield is their wage bill. Let's not turn Eberechi into the next Fabio Vieira—technically gifted, tactically misplaced, and tragically underused.

Want depth? Get a striker. Want flair? Promote from within. Want headlines? Sign Eze.

But if we want to win the league?

Buy a goal-scorer. Not a highlight reel.

Loose Cannon rating for the Eze pursuit: 6.5/10 – Tempting, but don't forget the shopping list has "goals" at the top.