Zubi Zubi Zoo!

Zubi Doo Dah: Arsenal Trump Madrid to Land Sociedad Maestro

So it turns out that £51 million release clauses aren't what they used to be. Arsenal, never one to do things the easy way, reportedly splashed more than Martin Zubimendi's get-out fee just to keep him out of Real Madrid's claws. Cheeky? Maybe. Necessary? Absolutely.

Because let's be honest — when your idol is Xabi Alonso and you've waxed lyrical about being "lucky" to have been coached by him, most people would expect a swift Spanish reunion at the Bernabéu. But no. Zubimendi's heading to N7 instead. Maybe he fancied the rain.

"I've always said that he was my idol," Zubimendi confessed earlier this year, in what now sounds like a eulogy for a move that never was. "It was a stroke of luck that he coached me." Well, Xabi might need another stroke of luck if he thought he had this one in the bag.

Enter Mikel Arteta — part manager, part magician. Somehow, he's managed to convince the cerebral midfield anchor that north London is where the real football education happens these days.

"Martin is a player who will bring a huge amount of quality and football intelligence to our team," Arteta beamed, clearly thrilled. "He has all the attributes to be a key player for us."

It's the sort of line we've heard before — but when it comes to Zubimendi, you can believe the hype. Tactical awareness? Tick. Technical grace under pressure? Tick. A proper footballing brain? Big tick. He's the sort of player who'll complete more passes before half-time than some of our old midfielders managed in a month.

So welcome to The Arsenal, Martin. You've chosen the right side of history — and you won't regret swapping the sun of San Sebastián for the streetwise grit of the Emirates.

Let's just hope he doesn't start idolising Guardiola next.