Loose Cannon Not-So-Exclusive
Palhinha or Gyokeres? Arsenal Caught in Transfer Tug-of-War as One Packs Boxes and the Other Ponders Glory
By The Loose Cannon
Well, it's official or is it? Arsenal's summer transfer window has gone from glacial to full-on Gunners Blitz. While it took a while for the fuse to light, now Mikel Arteta seems determined to ignite a midfield revolution and bring in the firepower to match. But the question remains—are Arsenal genuinely interested in Joao Palhinha, or is the whole thing just smoke to cover up the real fireworks: Viktor Gyokeres?
Let's start with the midfield maze. According to Bild, Arsenal are in "serious negotiations" (or as serious as you can be without actually agreeing to anything) with Bayern Munich over Joao Palhinha. Yes, the same Palhinha who was plucked from Fulham to wear the red of Bayern in a £47.4 million move, only to be benched by injury and buried under a mountain of midfielders in Bavaria.
The Portuguese powerhouse—more destroyer than dancer—has three years left on his deal but may just be tempted by a return to the Premier League if someone like Arsenal drops an "absolutely top offer." That's the kind of vague phrasing that gets agents out of bed in the morning.
But hang on—haven't Arsenal just signed Zubimendi and Norgaard to replace Jorginho and Partey? Isn't Palhinha a luxury Mikel Arteta doesn't really need? Or is this a clever ploy to force Sporting's hand on another negotiation?
Because while Palhinha may be waiting for a call, Viktor Gyokeres is already halfway out the door. Literally.
The Swedish striker has reportedly moved out of his Lisbon home, left his key under the mat, and is now holed up in Stockholm—essentially staging a one-man mutiny to push through his dream move to Arsenal. CNN Portugal even snapped photos of a removal van doing the heavy lifting, with a friend of Gyokeres handling the final pack-up job. That's commitment… or desperation.
Sporting, of course, are playing hardball. Arsenal want to pay £54.9m up front and sprinkle on some add-ons like icing sugar, but Sporting insist on a chunkier first bonus—£6.4m instead of Arsenal's £4.3m. That's a £2.1m gap stalling the entire operation. For reference, that's less than Chelsea pay Enzo Fernandez for blinking.
Meanwhile, Sporting fans and pundits are having a meltdown worthy of a midday soap opera. One journalist branded Gyokeres a "bad professional," while another warned that turning up for Arsenal training without a deal is "not just a mistake, but stupidity." Strong words, but when your star striker ghosts pre-season training, calls tend to be made from glass houses.
Back in London, Arteta must be weighing up his options—or possibly just watching from a deckchair as Edu does the legwork. Do you bring in Palhinha for more midfield muscle, or finally get the striker fans have been crying out for since, well, Thierry Henry left?
It seems Arsenal are trying to do both. Because why not? After all, this is a club with Champions League ambitions, a Netflix documentary on their CV, and a point to prove after missing out on silverware last season.
In the meantime, the fanbase is left refreshing Twitter (sorry, "X") and hoping to see Arteta holding a scarf next to Gyokeres before the squad jets off to Asia. As for Palhinha? Let's just say if the deal happens, we'll believe it when we see him in an Arsenal training top miscontrolling his first pass in pre-season.
Until then, it's all smoke, mirrors, and moving vans.
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