Even VAR can’t stop us this time!

🧨 THE LOOSE CANNON: "Leandro Lobs, Leno Loses, and VAR Loiters" 🧨

By your ever-so-tolerant north London correspondent, reporting from the riverside of restless neutrals and ruined hopes: Craven Cottage.

⚽ ONE GOAL, THREE POINTS, AND TWENTY MINUTES OF VAR FOREPLAY

Leandro Trossard doesn't just score goals; he relieves tension. After 45 minutes of football that made beige paint seem avant-garde, the Belgian finally decided to end the nonsense, poking home from about three feet after Gabriel flicked on Saka's corner. Cue relief, mild joy, and Mikel Arteta exhaling like a yoga instructor who's been holding his breath since August.

It was our 10th different scorer in the league this season — which either proves Arsenal's beautiful collective spirit, or that no one wants to commit to being a proper striker. Either way, top of the league again. Just don't say it too loudly: Spurs fans can smell happiness from two postcodes away.

😴 FIRST-HALF INSOMNIA CURE

The first 45 minutes were a public service announcement for melatonin. Fulham's early efforts came courtesy of Raul Jiménez, who briefly forgot he's supposed to be retired, while poor Martin Zubimendi took a 90 mph clearance to the stomach — his greatest contribution to date.

Then Riccardo Calafiori nearly announced himself with a thunderbolt disallowed for offside — a goal so good it should have been allowed on artistic merit alone. The rest was a series of half-chances and mis-timed through balls, until Rice's late curler reminded us that Declan occasionally fancies himself as a poet.

💥 TROSSARD STRIKES, VAR STALLS

Trossard could have scored earlier but apparently wanted to build suspense. When the goal came, it was pure Arsenal: a clever corner routine, a Brazilian forehead, and a Belgian toe. That's diplomacy at its finest.

Minutes later, Bukayo Saka was kicked halfway to Putney by a bloke named Kevin (a name that screams "VAR won't give this"). Anthony Taylor pointed to the spot, VAR got stage fright, and after several replays, decided Kevin's toenail had legally grazed the ball. Penalty cancelled. Justice? Maybe. Entertainment? Not even close.

🧱 THE GREAT WALL OF GABRIEL

Credit where it's due — Gabriel and Saliba defended like men who've been personally insulted by the concept of conceding. Eight clean sheets in eleven games now. Somewhere Aaron Ramsdale is polishing his gloves, whispering, "Remember me?"

Viktor Gyökeres (that's right, he's still not Nketiah) had two chances to make it comfortable but fired one into the Thames and the other straight at Bernd Leno's ego. No matter: we'd done enough.

📊 CANNON STATS (THE ONLY ONES THAT MATTER)

• Arsenal top the league. You read that right. Again.
• Eight wins from ten — or as the pundits call it, "unsustainable form."
• 63 goals from corners since 2021/22 — because set pieces are art.
• David Raya's 54th Premier League clean sheet, achieved mostly by glaring at defenders.
• Gabriel now has 20 goal involvements as a centre-back. At this rate, he'll be our top scorer by Christmas.
• Leandro Trossard: three goals, four assists in 12 games. Basically our low-budget Eden Hazard who actually runs back.

🏟️ WHAT'S NEXT

Three straight at home: Atlético Madrid (Champions League), Crystal Palace (the obligatory banana skin), and Brighton (Carabao Cup, aka "the one we might actually win").

If we keep this up, the Emirates will need defibrillators in every aisle — not for the players, but for fans who can't cope with Arsenal being consistent.

Verdict: One scrappy goal, one long VAR delay, one smug grin from Arteta. Job done.

Bring on Atlético. And maybe — just maybe — keep the corners coming.

Pens & Knees @ Arsenal

Penalty Politics: Saka Steps Up as Viktor Waits His Turn

(By The Loose Cannon – Arsenal's unlicensed truth serum)

There was a flicker of uncertainty at the Emirates on Saturday — not over the result, but over who'd be doing the honours from 12 yards. When El Hadji Malick Diouf clattered into Jurrien Timber, the red half of north London rose in unison, half-expecting Viktor Gyökeres to grab the ball like he did against Leeds.

Instead, it was Bukayo Saka, cool as ever, who tucked it under his arm, stared down the keeper, and buried Arsenal's second in a 2–0 win that felt more like a statement than a stroll.

"No, when I grabbed the ball I wanted to take it," Saka told reporters afterwards. "That's what my thoughts were in that moment."

No committee meetings, no VAR symposium, no nonsense. Just Arsenal's talisman asserting quiet authority — the same authority that's taken him to 200 Premier League appearances and a century of goal involvements before his 24th birthday.

Of course, Arteta had stirred the pot back in August when he told ESPN Brasil that Gyökeres was the "best penalty taker at the club." But football isn't laboratory science, and Saka's earned his stripes. The Swede's got the muscles, but Saka's got the nerve — and, crucially, the ball.

Asked whether he'd now reclaimed spot-kick supremacy for good, Saka smirked:

"We'll keep our conversations in the house for now."

Translation: I'm the man until someone pries it out of my hands.

GYÖKERES: THE GOALLESS GLADIATOR

Six games without a goal sounds grim on paper, but anyone actually watching knows the Swede's drought is wetter than it looks. Against West Ham, he nearly scored with a cheeky back-heel, a glancing header, and a Rice-fed near-miss — all within a half where he bullied their backline like a Scandinavian freight train in Nike boots.

Saka was the first to back him publicly:

"He's a big part of why we're winning. His goals will come. We believe in him."

You can tell this isn't lip service. The front three is working like a hydraulic press — Gyökeres dragging defenders wide, Martinelli cutting in, Saka darting between lines. The Swede might not be scoring, but he's giving Odegaard and Rice the time and space to choreograph Arsenal's symphony.

THE CAPTAIN'S SETBACK

Speaking of Odegaard — the skipper's night ended early, and not for tactical reasons. He's been withdrawn from Norway's upcoming internationals with a medial collateral ligament injury, picked up in the first half. Arsenal say he'll stay at London Colney for treatment, "aiming to return as soon as possible."

Translation, again: pray it's a Grade 1, not a Grade 3.

With four straight wins and Arteta clocking his 300th game in charge, the mood at Arsenal is good — but fragile knees and penalty pecking orders are the kind of small dramas that decide seasons.

Still, if Saturday proved anything, it's that Saka's still the ice in Arsenal's veins. He's not just taking penalties. He's taking charge.

The Loose Cannon verdict:

⚽ Saka – clinical and composed

💪 Gyökeres – goal famine, but team feast

🤕 Odegaard – hold your breath, north London

🎯 Arsenal – four wins on the spin, momentum humming again!

Sent from my iPhone

200 Not Out

Saka, Rice and Arteta Milestones 

It was a day for milestones in north London – Bukayo Saka hit 200 Premier League appearances, Mikel Arteta reached 300 games in charge, and Declan Rice celebrated by scoring against the club that probably still thinks he'll come home one day. Spoiler: he won't.

We brushed West Ham aside 2–0 to reclaim top spot after seven games, and frankly, it could have been four or five if the lads had been a bit greedier. Eberechi Eze, back in the XI after Arteta rotated again, was all flair and flicks until it came to finishing – his first-half miss from six yards will haunt him longer than the Hammers' post-match journey back east.

RICE SERVED COLD

Declan Rice's old employers arrived in N5 dreaming of a third straight win at the Emirates – instead, they left clutching another reality check. Niclas Füllkrug nearly stunned us inside 40 seconds with a header, but that was about the limit of their ambition.

Rice's goal, arriving on 38 minutes after Areola palmed Eze's shot straight into his path, felt inevitable. He didn't celebrate wildly – just a smirk and a shrug that said, "I warned you lot." The reunion was respectful; the result was ruthless.

Meanwhile, Saka thought he'd doubled our lead before VAR did what VAR does – ruin the fun. Odegaard limped off again (knee knock number 743 of the season) and Zubimendi came on to quietly run the show, playing passes with the composure of a man who's been here for years.

100 IN 200 – THE STARBOY SHOW

The second half was more stop-start than a London bus on strike, until Jurrien Timber got bundled over and the ref pointed to the spot. Up stepped Saka – 24 years old, 200 league appearances, and already with 100 goal involvements.

He sent Areola the wrong way, flashed that trademark grin, and reminded everyone that he's not just the future of Arsenal – he's the present, too. The kid from Ealing now has stats that make most wingers blush.

After that, it was pure cruise control. Calafiori clipped the post, Merino nodded a couple wide, and West Ham looked like a side already dreaming of international break. They finished without a single shot on target – their first blank since January. You'd almost feel sorry for them if it weren't West Ham.

ARTETA'S 300TH – THE MASTER BUILDER

For Mikel Arteta, this was win number 177 in match number 300. Only Pep, Mourinho and Dalglish managed better starts to their top-flight careers – not bad company for a bloke once dismissed as "Guardiola-lite."

The football wasn't vintage Arsenal, but it didn't need to be. Seven games in, we're top of the league, unbeaten, and looking like a side that's learned how to win without breaking a sweat.

STAT ATTACK

• Saka: 55 goals + 45 assists = 100 Premier League goal involvements at 24 years and 29 days.
• Declan Rice: 2 goals, 2 assists against West Ham. Therapy achieved.
• West Ham: 0 shots on target, 34 conceded this season. Statistically allergic to defending.
• Arteta: 177 wins in 300 – only Pep (219), Mourinho (196) and Dalglish (185) have done better at this stage.

WHAT'S NEXT

Time for a breather. Arsenal take a two-week pause before facing Fulham away (Oct 18), then Atletico Madrid in the Champions League (Oct 22), before Crystal Palace wander into town for another London derby (Oct 26).

But for now, the night belongs to Saka, Rice and Arteta – the holy trinity of the modern Arsenal. One's our future, one's our spine, and one's the architect.

And as for West Ham? Let's just say the only thing they took home was Rice… leftovers.